You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Randomize
