just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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