Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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