Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
