she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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