oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
