Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
