she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
