i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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