I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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