How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
