Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize