Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so let's talk penis.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
