i was born a porn star she said
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
