Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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