Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
