you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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