her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
