I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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