Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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