I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
