bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We need to get me chipped asap
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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