I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
