Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
