Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
