Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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