I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
