How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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