I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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