Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
