If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
