I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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