My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
