you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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