I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
