WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
