i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
