Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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