I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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