Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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