She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
