The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
