I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize