Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize