WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
