omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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