the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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