He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
