Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
