this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize