well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
