So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
