He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
