He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
