idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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