After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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