Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
