I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
