I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
