Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
