She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
