I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think my moral compass just broke
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
