But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
