And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize