There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
