I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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