I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
