It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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