I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Never joke about your clitoris.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize