FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
