if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
